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‘NOOOOOO!’ I said a bit louder and more drawn out and shook my head slowly, as one might do to someone who spoke no English. I tend to be a smart-ass at the worst times. Officer Steele’s face went as cold as Neapolitan ice cream, ‘You’ll have to come with me, sir,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘On what charge?’ I asked simply. This must also have been something that no one had ever said to him, for again he was blinking at me. ‘What?’ he said, after partly re-gaining his composure. ‘On what charge?’ I asked again, with a thick hokey French accent. ‘Um … uh …’ began the frustrated constable. ‘Well if you can’t think of anything,’ I said, adopting Newton’s haughty tones, ‘I’m certainly not going to help you. I’ll take my leave of you now, sir. Good day. And good day to you, madam.’ As I lifted off the ground and began my flight, the officer called after me, ‘Wait! Wait! Vagrancy! It’s VAGRANCY!’ I kept going. BLAM! BLAM! The report of what was unmistakably two gunshots sounded. Then there had been these very obviously feminine red fishnets stockingsshe had talked me into on the basis of some dubious fashion stories on theinternet about men wearing tights. Tights! What had convinced me thatthey were the same as stockings?Come to think of it what had even persuaded me that men do wear tights? Ihad never seen any men wearing tights. I did not know any men who woretights and on the basis of a stupid bet I had been persuaded to wear them.Then there had been the most stupid bet of them all that had now led to mehaving false breasts and false nails applied and led to my firstexperience of wearing nail polish and my first make-up lesson (as thesubject!)...Where did I go from here? What was male about the person saw in themirror in front of me? The only thing that was still male about me, apartfrom the basic equipment making a tent in my panties, was my hair. Myhair had always been my way of expressing my rebellion against authority.I had worn it long in the.
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